House of the Long Shadows (1983)
“Bllyddpaetwr will find you in its own good time…” or “Keep drinking…you’ll feel better”
House of the Long Shadows came out near the end of the drive-in era, but is solidly rooted in an earlier time. The cast - a Who’s Who of Hammer and other horror masters of the 60s and early 70s - takes us for a fun romp through twists and tropes, ending in no less than five M. Night Shyamalan-worthy moments. Spoiler Alert: We liked this movie.
Who is in the Who’s Who? Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, and John Carradine enough to get you started? How about tossing in BBC tv stalwarts Sheila Keith and Julie Peasgood (The Snarling), Richard Hunter (The Elephant Man), Benny Hill Honey Louise English, and last but not least, our hero, Desi Arnaz Jr. (The Mambo Kings) ?
The movie kicks off with classic early 70s Hammer-style clips of London, accompanied by their trademark porno soundtrack (see Dracula A.D. 1972). The short spoiler-free version of the story is that Kenneth Magee (Arnaz), a shallow and generally unlikable American author visiting the UK, makes a bet with his publisher (Richard Todd) that he can write a gothic novel in 24 hours. His publisher has just the place for him to do it: a long-empty Welsh manor named Bllyddpaetwr (we know…it is impossible to pronounce…the actors say the same and settle on calling it Baldpate…more on that later).
Arriving at Bllyddd….err…Baldpate…Arnaz discovers that the manor isn’t quite as empty as everyone thought.
We won’t spoil the story but it is full of great call backs and nods, including Arnaz confronting Lee with a cross shaped skeleton key and a hilarious scene with Lee and Cushing, long time Hammer foes Dracula and Van Helsing, uncomfortably sharing a sofa. Arnaz is barely acting through the movie. The son of Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz Sr. (remember I Love Lucy?), Little Ricky saw his share of stars growing up, but his fanboy interaction with the cast shows just how much fun he - and they - are having.
The movie does not lack for fun twists and turns, but perhaps one of the more interesting is that the movie is actually a remake of a much earlier film, the 1929 Seven Keys to Baldpate (remember, we said we’d get back to Baldpate). The original is quirky enough in its own right…but watch House first if you are looking for a quick (100 minute) and fun walk down a slightly haunted memory lane.
House of the Long Shadows is listed under Amazon Prime videos but currently unavailable for streaming. You can pick up a Blu-ray or DVD copy at Amazon HERE or hunt late night cable. We think you’ll have fun however you get to Bllyddpaetwr!
Thanks to the Delightful Dana S for recommending! It was worth pulling out of the crypt!
Four out of Five Stakes and Hammers!
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