“What’ll It Be Mike Honey - Me And A Million In Hot Diamonds…Or A Cheap Funeral?”

“Off my back, chic! I’m tired!”

It’s hard to match the dialogue in a Mickey Spillane story.

With a title like My Gun is Quick and a lead named Mike Hammer, a younger reader might think they have stumbled into a review of a 1970s adult film. They wouldn’t be far off because Gun isn’t for kids…or faint of heart adults.

My Gun is Quick kicks off with hardboiled private detective Mike Hammer taking a break in a 1950s Los Angeles hash joint. While ordering an egg sandwich for his secretary, he strikes up a conversation with a young prostitute named Red (Jan Chaney), who dreams of returning to Nebraska. In what is probably his only act of kindness in the film, Mike (Robert Bray, who went on to very un-Hammerish work on Lassie), spots her some cash to buy some new shoes, a dress, and a ticket back to Omaha. He also gives her his address so she can…cough cough….let him know when she get’s home.

Editor’s Note: In a kind of funny meta nod, Red asks Mike to guess where she is from. He says that from her accent he’d guess Montana. Robert Bray (Mike) was himself from “Big Sky Country.”

Red and Mike’s conversation is broken up when a guy who looks like her pimp (he is not) shows up and starts to give her grief. Mike proceeds to hammer the guy, kicking off a chain of events that involve Nazi jewels, one-armed guys with hooks for hands, French smugglers, high speed boat chases, and a strip tease by the drop dead gorgeous Argentinian-born Genie Coree (alias Gina Core, alias Virginia Core) playing Red’s friend, Maria Teresa Garcia, a “dancer” and fellow prostitute.

It’s hard to spoil this movie beyond what I’ve already written. The story is so full of false starts, red herrings, misdirection, and inconsistent characterization that most things I could reveal would be rendered moot five minutes later in the movie.

I will get a little Spoilerish here though: the movie proceeds at a pretty consistent pace until its last 10 minutes, when all hell breaks lose. The action and storyline become extremely cluttered and loud and keeping track of what’s happening to whom can become a chore. The most interesting part of the end (here is the Spoiler) is that Mike is framed for a killing and the police are after him…so he proceeds to hunt down the real murderers. Ok, so far so good. Unfortunately, as near as I can tell, almost all of the bad guys wind up getting killed - some pretty graphically - so it is unclear how exactly Mike is supposed to prove his innocence with almost everyone who could prove his story pushing up daises. The screen just goes black.

So story quirks aside, how is this movie?

I was struck by how “adult” the films was - especially for something released in the 1950s. Prostitution, adultery, corruption, and hair trigger violence make of the fabric of the movie. The characters, especially Mike, are never more than one wrong raised eyebrow away from trying to murder (or at least seriously beat up) one another. They are also never more than one suggestively raised eyebrow away from sleeping with (or at least kissing) each other. I expected anachronisms like Mike’s over the top sexism, but was surprised by how “unlike” the Happy Days version of the 1950s the rest was.

Is it worth a watch?

Yes - especially if you don’t have to pay for it. The story is annoyingly convoluted and the end loud and overly abrupt, but it offers a fascinating look into the period. It is not the “real” 50s anymore than Father Knows Best, but it is entertaining, the scenes of Los Angeles circa 1957 are beautiful, if you like classic cars you’ll be delighted by all the tail fins and chrome, and Genie Coree steals every scene she’s in.

You can catch My Gun is Quick for free HERE if you have Amazon Prime.

Two out of Five Nazi Jewels.

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Have you read any of the Spillane books or seen the movies adapted from them? Let us know how My Gun is Quick compares.

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