Don’t expose your Mogwai to bright light, don’t let him get wet, and whatever you do, don’t feed him after midnight.

also

Don’t let your 10 year-old watch this unless you want to traumatize her for life.

Did you know that Gremlins is a Christmas movie? No? We forgot about that too. In fact about the only thing we remembered was that it was a Spielberg film and we saw it on a double date in 1984. Watching it nearly 40 years later was…an eye opener.

The story kicks off with an “inventor” and salesman played by Hoyt Axton (who was in a ton of minor TV parts in the 60s - 80s but, very cooly, also wrote the song The Pusher for the movie Easy Rider) doing some last minute Christmas shopping in Chinatown.

While there, he discovers and...ahem…acquires…a unique gift for his son - a cute furry creature called a Mogwai. Looking like a cuddly marketing department’s dream, the furry, vaguely teddy bear-like, creature came with three rules: don’t expose it to sunlight (it will kill it), don’t get it wet (why? we’ll find out), and don’t let it eat after midnight.

Returning home shortly before Christmas, Hoyt gives the creature to his son, Billy (Zach Galligan), who promptly names it Gizmo…and almost as quickly violates two of the rules (water and food) - ‘though in his defense, the water was an accident and he was tricked into the food.

Hijinks follow, including a family being run over by a snowplow, a science teacher being murdered after a creature injects him with random chemicals, an elderly woman being tossed to her death from a window, cars flipping over, creatures exploding in microwaves, drunken Gremlins playing poker, and people being shot by crossbows.

So yeah, this movie was a lot darker than I remembered. On top of that is an enormously morbid story Billy’s sort of girlfriend, Kate (Phoebe Cates - Fast Times at Ridgemont High) decides to randomly share about (Spoiler) her father dressing as Santa, then getting stuck in a chimney, dying, and only being discovered because of the smell…so yeah…

The good things first:

Gremlins was made when Spielberg was at the height of his commercial game and the production value of the movie is very high. It is sleek, the scenes are entertaining, and the special effects hold up. The movie is also reasonably well-acted, with a couple standouts, including Frances Lee McCain (Back to the Future) as Billy’s bad-ass mom, 80s mainstays like Corey Feldman (The Lost Boys) and Fast Times alum Judge Reinhold, and a few people you don’t expect, including Howie Mandel (the voice of Gizmo) and Breaking Bad tough guy, Jonathan Banks, as a deputy.

The not so good:

Gremlins was made when Spielberg was at the height of his commercial game and the movie shows it, with nods to other Spielberg films that are cute at first, but turn into ham-handed advertisements. There are also a lot of direct advertisements, including a ton of Pepsi placement adds. Movies are a business and there is nothing wrong with making money, but when that takes over the storytelling it can become a distraction and does here. The over-the-top, often graphic violence in this film is also a distraction, as the movie morphs into something like a cross between Night of the Living Dead and Rambo by mid-film.

Is this for you?

It depends. If you want a blast of 80s nostalgia this has to be on your short list. At the same time, the film is far darker than the bright posters and trailers suggests and the scenes are likely to be disturbing to younger children (check out our Post Credit’s Trivia). I’d be wary about having kids under 12 watch this unless you are prepared to put them in Mogwai therapy for the next 20 years. But if you do…whatever else you do…don’t let them watch Gremlins 2.

You can catch Gizmo, Stripe, Phoebe, and the rest of the gang HERE.

Three out of Five American-Made Snow Plows.

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Post Credits Trivia!

Should Hoyt have been a little more careful when he bought the Mogwai from Joe Exotic? He might have if he knew that Mogwai is a real (Cantonese) word. It means devil and demon. So…yeah…good Christmas choice.

Does Gizmo’s Cantonese overlord look familiar? If so, it may be because he (Keye Luke) played David Carradine’s blind Cantonese overlord…errr…teacher, Master Po in the classic Kung Fu TV series.

We mentioned how the violence was a bit much. Complaints about it and similar scenes in Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom led to the creation of the PG-13 rating.

Last but not least, the director’s original plan was for the gremlins to be played by monkeys rather than puppets. It’s too bad it didn’t work out. Everything is better with monkeys.

Did you have fun with Gremlins? You may want to feed your after midnight cravings with one of these.